


so i try to talk refined (imagine being loved by me)

by endlesspossibilities



Series: what we long for [1]
Category: Women's Soccer RPF
Genre: F/F, Light Angst, Not Actually Unrequited Love, hey this is just over twenty five hundred words of pure gay longing, just a warning
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-24
Updated: 2019-07-24
Packaged: 2020-07-17 06:27:19
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,733
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19948174
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/endlesspossibilities/pseuds/endlesspossibilities
Summary: The morning of the ticker-tape parade Emily finds herself awake at an ungodly hour of 4 AM. Luckily, she's not the only one. To anyone else, it's just an innocent coffee run, but something else hides just beneath appearances.





	so i try to talk refined (imagine being loved by me)

**Author's Note:**

> Hey guys. Way back when I wrote talex. Went away for a while, but these girls always bring me back. Please know that I am very aware this is all complete fiction.

Four A.M. New York City. July 10th 2019.

With over an hour left till her alarm is set to go off, Emily groans into her pillow as jet lag controls her bodie’s clock and leaves her hopelessly awake. Clearly jet lag doesn’t care that she is a world champion. That thought alone eases some of the tension from Emily’s shoulders and she can’t help the grin that she presses into the hotel pillow. Turning onto her back, the young player glances over at her sleeping roomie and best friend, Lindsey Horan. The blonde striker’s mouth hangs slightly open and her nose twitches before her face returns to it’s peaceful state. 

Sonny attempts to shut her eyes and will herself back to sleep, hoping to get some more rest before another crazy day of celebrating and media. After another ten minutes of tossing and turning, a thrown pillow smacks Emily in the back of her head and she pops up with a startled,

“Hey!”

“Sonny, I love you, but if you don’t stop moving around I’m gonna give you bunny ears in every picture taken today,” Lindsey threatens groggily. It’s not the best threat, but it’s the best she could come up with through the haze of sleep and jet lag.

“Fine… Just give me two minutes to throw on some sweats,” Emily rolls out of bed and starts scrounging through her stuffed suitcases. Two months away from home has left even the best packed bags in a state of dissaray. She slips on a pair of team issued sweat pants and tugs down on her loose shirt, deciding no bra is needed quite yet. She brushes her teeth quickly, because rushing or not she’s not a heathen. Her well-worn adidas shoes are waiting by the door so Emily grabs her phone and quickly exits the room, much to Horan’s relief.

The hotel hallway is quiet, not even the hustle of a waking New York breaks through the thick walls that surround them. It’s comforting after the craziness of the last couple days, so Emily allows herself a moment to just stand still. It doesn’t last long before her anxious mind compels her to move again and she starts the walk down to the elevators. She isn’t really expecting anyone else to be awake, even if the whole team is used to France time.

Which is why she’s so surprised when halfway down the hall, another door slowly swings open. Emily’s initial shock quickly fades into delight when she sees the teammate who backs quietly out of the room is none other than fellow defender, Kelley O’Hara. The freckled player doesn’t notice she’s not alone in the morning hours until the door clicks shut and she turns around to see a grinning Sonnett. 

“Fuck! Oh my god, Sonny. I am not awake enough for you to scare me like that,” Kelley gasps and then shakes her head as Emily begins to giggle. She hadn’t even intended to scare her friend, but she can appreciate a good reaction none the less.

“Good morning, peach! I see I’m not the only one who can’t adjust to eastern time!” 

Kelley smiles slightly at the Georgia inspired nickname and shrugs her shoulders.

“You’d think after over 12 years of traveling I’d be better at this, but jet lag spares no one,” she responds, stepping away from the door so they can continue walking to the elevator.

“I see right through that humble brag, Ms. Kelley,” Emily teases, using yet another nickname. The young defender has nicknames for just about everyone on the team, but Kelley has been graced with quite a few more than others. Deep down, Emily knows why. She knows what else she’d love to call the freckled beauty who bumps shoulders against her own playfully. 

“Ain’t nothing humble about it, sweetheart.”

Emily tries to control her giddy smile at the way sweetheart rolls off of Kelley’s southern tongue, but when she doesn’t succeed, she ducks her head in hopes of hiding it.

When the elevator arrives, they both lean against opposite walls, facing each other. And while both girls pull out their phones, only one’s eyes stay glued to the screen. Emily chances a glance up at her teammate, notes her lazy scrolling and looks Kelley over carefully for the first time since she creeped out of her room.

She’s got her hair pulled up in a loose bun, one of her shoe laces is untied, and there’s a slight purple under her eyes from too much partying not enough sleep the past couple of days. Yet, despite or even because of this, she’s just so beautiful and effortlessly _cool_.

Suddenly, Kelley looks up and catches Emily in her lingering stare. The younger defender can’t look away fast enough, so instead she decides to let Kelley meet her gaze instead. When Kelley sends her a smirk, it says ‘I know why you stare’ and it makes Emily blush to her ears. Neither woman says anything until the doors slide open, the early morning hours makes the quiet car feel sacred somehow. Somewhere you don’t hide behind feeble words. It’s silly, of course, but Emily has these thoughts sometimes. Especially when Kelley is around.

Emily starts to walk toward the coffee station set up in the lobby of the hotel, but Kelley grabs her wrist and stops her with a small huff,

“Sonny. We are not having hotel coffee!”

“It is 4:20 in the morning. I need coffee,” Emily counters, but Kelley just shakes her head.

“Duh. But we are in New York City! I guarantee there’s an actual coffee shop open around here,” the freckled woman points out the door. Emily crinkles her eyebrows as she looks out at the stream of cars that have begun to rush past. It’s still dark, but the black of night has been replaced with a deep blue and the lights make it appear almost daytime. Maybe Kelley has a point.

“Okay. Lead the way then,” Emily shrugs and immediately knows she made the right call when Kelley’s bright smile graces her. The smile that she is certain has inspired poetry and music and much more than Emily could ever create, but then again it isn’t her right to. Because that’s the thing she can’t forget about. That even in those moments when it’s her and Kelley and nothing else, Emily will still only be a friend. That nothing else can define her because Kelley has a girlfriend. 

Emily knows this. Hell, half the world must know by now after that kiss. 

Yet, even though she remembers all this, Emily allows herself to be tugged out the door and her arm taken up by a grinning Kelley. They walk like this until after one long block, Emily stops them and laughs,

“Okay. Sorry, it’s just- are we actually just gonna walk around till we see a coffee shop?”

Kelley frowns and crosses her arms. She taps her foot on the ground a few time as she scans the block around them. Finally, she sighs,

“Fine! I’ll look it up.”

Emily giggles again at Kelley’s annoyance, because she knows it’s a performance and that the older woman is doing it specifically to make Sonnett laugh. That’s a nice feeling.

“It looks like there’s a place open just two blocks North,” Kelley looks up from her phone with a triumphant grin. Emily bites her lip to stop a stupid smile from coming to her own as well. Instead she looks away and asks,

“Is that the short blocks or the long ones?”

“Short, dumbie. Now come on,” Kelley rolls her eyes but immediately links their arms back together as she leads the way again. 

When they make it to the shop, there’s no line and it seems even the employees are barely awake. But it smells amazing and there’s pastries warm in a case by the register, so Sonnett bounces on her feet and debates between a blueberry danish and a chocolate croissant. She’s about to decide when Kelley steps up and orders a soy vanilla latte and an iced coffee with cream and sugar as well as two chocolate croissants. Emily opens her mouth to protest or at least act surprised that Kelley got her order perfect, but the brunette looks back over her shoulder with a look that says ‘come on, emily. I _know_ you.’ It shuts her right up and she has to walk over to the table to avoid doing something stupid like hugging Kelley or giving her a kiss on the cheek. Cause they don’t do that.

Kelley does. Kelley is friendly to an extreme and has been known to give amazing hugs and platonic kisses. Not to Emily, though. Not lately. She hates it, because there’s nothing she likes more than to be wrapped in Kelley’s warmth and lingering smell, but she knows why. 

There’s no way for those touches to be platonic. Not when they both feel the way they do. And Kelley has a girlfriend. (Like a real, steady, years together girlfriend and this shift between them is just months old. It’s still fresh, although, Emily isn’t quite sure when things changed.)

Still, there are moments. Like on a long plane ride home when they fell asleep side by side but then Emily woke up with a heavy arm around her waist and a steady puff against her neck. Involuntary. When there was no conscious effort to keep them apart. That’s how Emily knows that this is a purposeful decision and a good one, at that.

She drags herself out of her thoughts as Kelley plops into the chair across from her with the two pastries. She hands one of them to Sonnett and tears off a piece of her own.

“Must have been all that time in France, but I can’t get enough of these,” Kelley admits before popping the piece into her mouth.

“I think I could have eaten one everyday, honestly. Not that Jill would have appreciated that,” Sonnett agrees, venturing a bite of her own pastry. It’s light and buttery and the perfect reminder of their time in France. 

Kelley chuckles and shrugs, but doesn’t respond. She takes another bite of croissant and this time the chocolate smears across her lip. A tongue creeps out to lick it away and Emily realizes she’s staring at the action just as the barista says,

“Kelley.”

The younger player hops up quickly to grab their drinks, although it’s mostly an excuse to avoid Kelley’s curious smirk. She thanks the young lady who hands over the drinks and takes a sip as she walks back over. Internally, Emily attempts to compose herself again, because they are in public and while these employees didn’t recognize the pair, she knows the city will soon be buzzing with people who want a glimpse at the two defenders. The last thing the world needs is a picture of Emily making lust or love eyes at the very taken defender.

The two woman finish their pastries quickly after that and then get up to walk back to the hotel. The caffeine has already begun to do it’s job, so Emily feels more alert on the walk back. This time there’s no linked arms, but the conversation flows between them.

“You’re going to love it, Sonny. Being in a parade? Definitely a good confidence booster,” Kelley smiles, remembering the last ticker tape parade. The win four years ago had been amazing and awe-inducing, but this time felt historic and more palpable. There was a shift happening in America around women’s soccer and the whole team could feel it.

“Oh, so I should expect your head to get even bigger?” Emily raises an eyebrow. It’s a joke; despite what some may expect, none of the gals on the team had inflated egos, even after winning the World Cup.

“Look who’s talking!”

Emily shakes her head and laughs half-heartedly, looking down. Kelley is one of the few people who knows how often the bubbly, hyper defender struggles with her own self confidence. They’re walking throught the lobby doors when Kelley puts a hand on Sonnett’s wrist, pulling her to the side. There’s a crinkle in her brow and she bites her lip before speaking,

“Emily. Seriously, you know that this team needs you. You’re amazing, not just on the field. You kept everyone’s spirits up, even through the rough games and I know I- we couldn’t have done this without you.”

Emily blinks rapidly and looks up to keep the tears from escaping under the heavy and loving gaze of the older woman. She clears her throat as she looks back down and forces a soft smile. They’re close, close enough that Kelley can see every faint freckle on Emily’s cheeks and the watery look in her eyes.

“Thanks, Kel. I know, but sometimes a reminder helps,” Em admits. She doesn’t say that it means so much more when it comes from an idol and wonderful friend like Kelley. She definitely doesn’t say that it means the most when it comes from someone who Emily spends most of the day watching, thinking about or literally with. She can’t say that Kelley has wormed her way into Emily’s heart in such a special and new way and that when the freckled beauty talks, Emily can’t help but listen and believe.

Kelley smiles, all soft and shiny eyed, before pulling Emily into a tight hug. The blonde tucks her head into Kelley’s shoulder and revels in this brief moment of contact. As they pull back, Emily feels a hand drag down her arm from her elbow to her wrist and she can’t help the goosebumps that follow it. It’s a capital m moment and the tension that has been mounting all morning feels ready to break when Kelley gives her a sly grin and asks,

“Sonny. Are you not wearing a bra?”

And fuck, if that decision isn’t coming back to haunt her. Emily gasps lightly and blushes, especially when she sees the dark look in Kelley’s eyes. A look that has no business being there at 5 am and no business being directed at the blonde. And yet, there it is. Curious, lingering and hot on Emily. 

“Well, I- I wasn’t really expecting to leave the building or give anyone a hug so you know,” Sonnett stumbles over her words, because how could she tame the mess in her head when Kelley has yet to let go of her arm and they are still within a foot of each other. Breathing the same air and sharing the same thoughts. Thoughts that definitely don’t involve bras. Or any other clothing.

“Relax. I can keep a secret,” the older player winks and fuck, she has to stop doing that. Finally, _finally,_ a phone dings and they break apart.

It’s Lindsey, checking in to make sure Emily was still around and the defender thanks god for her nosey roomie, despite her being the reason she was in the mess to begin with.

Kelley clears her throat and looks down and, for once, a guilty expression appears on her face. It’s subtle, a squeeze of the eyelids, a long exhale, but it’s enough to make Emily scold herself as well. Because, even if _she_ didn’t start this interaciton and even though, _she_ doesn’t have a supportive lovely girlfriend waiting at home, the young player knows better than to allow herself to hope. (hope is the wrong word; she guesses there is none, but maybe pretend could fit the bill)

“So I need to shower and the water is always hotter before people wake up,” Kelley lies. She does need a shower, but hot water is not really a concern at this luxury hotel. Emily allows it, though, nodding quietly and taking another sip of her coffee.

“Yeah, go ahead. I’m just gonna stay down here for awhile. Lindsey probably isn’t awake yet,” Emily lies. Lindsey just texted her, but if Kelley could make excuses to escape, Emily could make excuses to stay.

“Alright, later, Sonnett,” Kelley smiles, slightly less bright this time and turns to walk away. If there’s a hesitation in her step, a falter that says so much and then a continuation that says even more, Emily pretends she doesn’t see it. 

And, well, we’ve already established Emily has no problem pretending.


End file.
